…just this morning he read the first comment, written by a bearded troglodyte, which posed the question, “Who is Zeus?”
An obscure philosopher once said that the whole notion of matter, force, and energy was misguided. He posited the idea of the world being made up of bits of information.
Thus deprived of his thunderbolt, Zeus decided he’d better get on the information bandwagon. He started a blog, and then had to fill it. And so he created the world, one bit of information at a time. Turns out he wasn’t just a god at all, but one more writer struggling to find exactly the right words to capture what he meant. Too bad he wasn’t much good at plot development.
Oh, he understood the need for conflict—that was the easy part. He had no trouble getting human beings into all sorts of trouble. Problem was he was lousy at resolution. Loose plot developments wandered all over the place. Whole civilizations were wiped out by petty wars or random natural disasters. Very unsatisfying.
He tried a few heroes to clean things up, but he couldn’t resist getting them into trouble too. Poor Hercules. Zeus tried writing himself into the plot, but that was a disaster. He came across as a pouting rich kid who didn’t like to hear the word, “No.” That was embarrassing, so he gave up on autobiography.
He tried writing stories about more evolved religions and found monotheism to be a fertile plot path. The good news was that all his characters wanted to talk about him. He got to be capital “H” Him. It was biography instead of memoir, and even though he was the writer, he could let his creativity expand with ideas about who He really was, how He was perceived, and how all the people wove Him into their lives.
But even that got old after a while. He kept looking for a way to get to the happy ending, but all the overlapping plots, religions, civilizations, and the massive expanding population was so disorganized. He couldn’t seem to make sense of it anymore. It wasn’t just a series of historical blog postings, it was turning into an encyclopedic task. He couldn’t keep up. Of course, the solution was ready at hand. He turned his blog into an open source wiki-blog and let all the human beings write their own stories. Free will made the most sense after all, especially since Zeus had started messing around with string theory and was mulling over multiple universes. It was time for a vacation to Pago Pago. Bon Voyage, Zeus.
Hey, Zeus. See you at the tiki bar.
Phillida Jones wanted a dog,
But instead her father gave her a frog,
That he had found in a bog,
Relaxing and sunning on a log.
Phillida Jones wanted a dog,
So it could help her in the L.A. Smog,
That, at times, was so thick it caused a highway clog.
Phillida Jones wanted a dog,
But but instead she got Zeus, her amazing pet frog,
Who was so clever he started a blog,
About an especially potent Christmas Eggnog.
Note: Writing this poem was quite a slog,
And it is so bad, I should be flogged.
I am all agog! Sounds like a woman who once had a pet hog..
Or maybe I’ll justt be off on a jog, shouting in my usual clogged-up voice, “Og! Og!”
Shall we clog? (A not uncommon Wisconsin dance, when heavy shoe tapping suggests an incipient snog.)
You are THE CHAMPION !!!!!
Alas, my posts don’t seem to post 😦
Zeus from Suez (2nd attempt)
For three generations, Zeus and his family earned a humble income from providing camel rides to tourists. Granted, Suez was not a tourist hot-spot like Cairo or Alexandria, nor did it attract the high-rolling jet-set crowd and gambling “whales” which were treated like royalty in the posh metropolitan casinos.
Zeus was an educated man who lived within his means. His children thought of him as cheap. Zeus preferred the term frugal. He enjoyed watching movies on his VCR; tapes were available in the bazzars and markets for nearly nothing. His “favourite” (he preferred that spelling to the bastardized American “favorite” version) was “The King and I” of which he owned eight copies.
His favourite actress, of course, was Deborah Kerr.
Zeus reluctantly remained an internet holdout in spite of the urging of his teenage children. Oh, he had caught cautious glimpses of website pages over the shoulders of the regulars at the Golden Crescent Café where he occasionally indulged himself on a cup of Turkish coffee, heavy with sugar. Usually the patrons were watching soccer, and when they felt safe, some naughty pages that their wives would likely castrate them for watching at home.
“Zeus, look at these blonde American women bathing at Miami Beach in American Florida!” On the internet we can find anything, anywhere.”
Zeus was intrigued. “All right, then. Find “Deborah Kerr.” “
Within .06 seconds according to the display, links to images of his darling Deborah filled the screen. His friend clicked one at random. Zeus was amazed.
Later that evening, Zeus motioned to his son who was working with his laptop. “Asim, my son. I need your help. This internet thing. Tell me about it.” The next two hours flew by with the intensity and and lack of clarity of a haboob.
With his son’s help, Zeus entered the world of blogging.
Zeus began with a post of his favourite image of Anna, the character from the movie, and a request that other fans post their best images as well. As the weeks passed, along with Asims’s intolerance of his father’s new obsession, Asim gave his father a used laptop of his own, along with internet access and instructions. Zeus’ blog began to grow in popularity.
Siam. Egypt. To Zeus the location didn’t matter. Zeus was now king. And Deborah, his queen. And the VCR, now barely used, still registered the correct time in glowing red digits.
“The legal team at Zeus Blogging Company announced today a temporary shutdown of the site due to the launch by Superman Blogging Incorporated of multiple copyright infringement zeus, er “suits”. “
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by Ann Linquist
Available in paperback or on Kindle