Given the following facts…

–Sabrina had rhinestones around the scarlet rims of her glasses and painted portraits of chairs.

–Bob (“call me Robert”) collected musical instruments and made a few himself.

–They had three cats: Doctor Boson, Pico, and Dick Fosbury.

–At their wedding in 2005, he ran off with her maid of honor.  Sabrina ran off to Bali.

What future can they possibly have?

24 responses to “Given the following facts…

  1. Cats and Weddings Don’t Mix

    In the beginning of the romance, cats roamed the apartment. Strays looking for a meal. Cute cuddly kittens. Voracious toms. Pregnant mothers. All found sanctuary and shelter under Sabrina’s watchful eye. Sabrina never met a cat she didn’t love. Some cats stayed. Some disappeared. At their zenith they numbered fourteen. Today the clowder stood at three, each with a name: Boson, Pico and Fosbury.

    Robert on the other hand despised cats.

    Sabrina soon gave up the notion of having chairs in the apartment as her beloved cats could not resist shredding the chair seats and backs with their claws. So squinting through a pair of cheap and tawdry rhinestone glasses Sabrina painted pictures of whatever chair the current décor of her brain dictated. Neatly stacked against a wall, a setting of six barely took up a foot of floor space. The fabrics chosen, if real, would have been costly. Paint and canvas board were cheaper.

    Each evening at dinner Sabrina would select the appropriate chairs and lean a couple of them against a wall. She and Robert would sit on the floor with their backs against the paintings, eating cross legged, or legs stretched out, depending on the style of the chair. Following dinner they would lounge against a painting of a divan to watch TV.

    Robert’s evil laugh troubled Sabrina each time a cat tried to jump up and sit on one of the painted chairs.

    Robert, more three dimensional in his thinking, cluttered their life with stringed instruments – violins, and violas. Fiddles too. He fashioned himself an amateur violin maker, but his favorite task was making the strings for them whish he spun out of catgut, out of sight of Sabrina. He always had more strings than instruments, and this often puzzled Sabrina.

    Working the wood for violins was tedious and laborious, and Robert’s skill ran along baser abilities. So Robert he switched to making banjos. Yes, those damn plinky things with the membrane top, supposedly to be made out of calf skin. But to Robert, skin was skin. He had never seen a real calf in downtown Detroit, and as he had already used the gut, he figured he might put the carcass to work as well. Robert took pride in his frugal nature.

    With a “happily ever after sparkle” in her eye, Sabrina pushed Robert to marriage. Their impromptu wedding was performed in a hotel lobby by a street evangelist. The maid of honor was a working gal, between tricks, picked up from another corner. Robert found her to be an intriguing lass as she didn’t wear eyeglasses. It was the turquoise colored contacts and her Polynesian features that really caught Robert’s attention.

    Sabrina dressed Pico and Fosbury in plastic top hats and black string ties, and the pair served as Robert’s best man. Boson mewed about as the ring bearer, the ring crafted by Sabrina from used tubes of acrylic paint. After a couple of “I dos” and a quick “kiss the bride,” Sabrina began to gather up her “three children” as she called them. As Mendelssohn began to play in three banjo harmony by a trio from the Salvation Army Band, Sabrina turned just in time to see Robert and the maid of honor scurrying arm in arm out the door.

    “You ever been to Bali?” the maid of honor asked Robert.

    “Nope. They have cats there?”

    “Nope.”

    “Then darling – sorry, didn’t catch your name – we have a promising future together.”

    As the plinking of Mendelssohn faded behind, the pair began whistling “Bali Hai,” as they hailed a cab.

  2. You are a genius! LOL

  3. Galelikethewind

    My cat told me was a dog in a former life. Then she died and came back as a God. Great job of making cats the central focus of this masterful piece Jeff. You have set the bar for the rest of us. Again!

  4. Sabrina sat serenely at the round table in the center of the small darkened room with her eyes closed. Three cats perched in the other three chairs circling the table draped in a scarlet floor-length cloth. Doctor Boson wore a small white beret, his ears sticking through slits in the fabric. A red bolo looped several times around Pica’s neck as she sat demurely waiting for a signal from her owner. Dick Fosbury wore a floppy hat that drooped to the side and an expression of complete boredom as he licked his front paw.

    Around them, the walls were adorned with painted portraits of chairs, Sabrina’s compulsive hobby since Bob, a furniture builder by trade, left her standing at the alter in 2005. A wooden flute, one of Bob’s favorite from his collection of musical instruments was positioned in the center of the table next to the pulsing globe.

    The rhinestones around the scarlet rims of Sabrina’s glasses glittered in the dim light cast from the globe. Bracelets jangled at her wrists when she positioned her hands around the orb, causing all three cats to look at her expectantly. As she circled her hands around it, the globe became brighter, lighting up the room in flashes of bright colors. When it finally settled into a blue hue, she peered into its depths.

    She saw Bob sitting in a bar with Becky, her ex-best friend and her maid of honor. “Robert,” she said. “I don’t know why you’re so afraid of her.”
    “Because I know she’s cast some sort of spell on me. I can’t hammer a nail without hitting my thumb, I’ve forgotten how to read music, and, well, you know what’s happened in the bedroom.”

    “It’s only temporary. Stop worrying,” Becky replied uneasily remembering the note she received last month from Sabrina.

    Sabrina patted the flute and giggled with glee. The money she spent studying with Tara the Great when she vacationed in Bali was paying off.

  5. Galelikethewind

    You do Voodoo so well. Thanks for this taste of sweet revenge. Just trying to imagine what happened in the bedroom..or didn’t happen? Poor Bob, having trouble with his flute.

  6. galelikethewind

    “Bob,” said Kaitlyn
    “I’ve told you a thousand times to call me Robert!” he shouted to the back seat of the Prious.
    “Robert, then, “ she mumbled under her breath,”Can we stop soon, I have to pee.”
    “Not again! You just went less than an hour ago. We will be late for my flute concerto.”
    “Sorry.” she pouted as she brushed Doctor Boson’s matted fur. Himalayan kitties were always matting up, and this one was a real pain. No wonder Sabrina had sent this cat to Bob when she moved to Bali. She probably gave all the best ones to her mother.
    “Ahhhh Choo!” sneezed Robert as he approached the tiny church where he almost got married, oh so long ago.

    “Sabrina,” said Tambu, “come out by the pool. I need a refill on this Mai Tai. Hurry up now, woman.” She adjusted the new pair of seashell covered sunglasses, and turned away from her easel. I have to remember how good this guy is in bed, she thought to herself. And the fact he is providing me with a place to live and paint chairs. Life is full of give and take she mused. Wonder what old Bob is having to give these days?

  7. Ahh, Prius hell, never imagined by Dante or Bosch!

  8. Cute sotry but didn’t get the note from Sabrina reference ??

  9. Sabrina pulled the blender’s cord from the jury-rigged socket under the bar, careful to keep her hand away from the bare wires where the appliance’s switch used to be. She poured the umpteenth frozen drink into a grande cocktail glass, stabbed the umpteenth umbrella stem through yet another maraschino cherry and pineapple chunk and plopped them in the drink.

    She was scarcely aware when Malun put the drink on his tray and served it to a tourist on the beach. She was glad she didn’t have a customer at the bar that she would have to talk to because she had a lot on her mind.

    Not only had she received another letter from her mother back in Berkley, this one not only asking (again) when she would return to the US, but also advising her that her Himalyan cat Dick Fosbury had to be put down, and the other two were ailing. Her Dad wanted to know when she’d be moving her collection of ‘Studies in Chair, Acrylic” from the spare room because he needed it for a home office.

    The unwritten question was “have you come to terms with Robert’s betrayal?” The answer to that was a resounding “NO” in capital letters, but Sabrina never mentioned it in her occasional letters home. Best not to mention the creep who, while he hadn’t left her at the altar—only because she hadn’t gotten that far two years ago—he had run off with her maid of honor, her used-to-be best friend Janet, while Sabrina was putting on her wedding gown.

    By far the most worrisome thing on her mind was like a line from an old Humphrey Bogart movie: “In all the crummy beach bars in all the world, they walk into mine.” Not hers, exactly, because she just worked here in Bali at the Kuta Beach Resort.

    Still, Robert and Julie had strolled past yesterday afternoon. They hadn’t seen her because she ducked below the bar until they were gone.

    Today, she watched the beach intently, looking for those awful tie-dyed beach shorts he’d been wearing.

    And there he was with that horrid Julie beside him. They were far out beyond the tide line, picking up artifacts from the sand. Probably sand dollars and starfish, Sabrina thought. She watched as they turned their backs to the sea and nonchalantly strolled and stopped.

    Then Sabrina noticed a number of swimmers running through the surf towards shore, and those on shore were running past her screaming a word she couldn’t understand. She looked back at Robert and Julie, saw them running, and saw the massive wall of water overtaking them.

    So that’s how it ends, Sabrina thought as she ran inland looking for high ground. No future for any of us.

  10. galelikethewind

    Impossible. The little Himmy had to be put down? Well I guess that is better than dyingina Tsunami..

  11. Studies in Chair, Acrylic – love it, so artsy snootsy, not like us writers ever get! LOL

    • Oh, I don’t know, Jeff. How about “Ode to (whatever)”? That ‘s kind of snooty.

      Anyway, Sabrina and Bobert have now gone the way
      of John and Martha.

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