Zeus has a website.
It’s been a quiet eon here on Mount Olympus, so I’ve decided to start this blog. Mind you, I copped some flak from all nine Muses, who think blogging’s a crass genre that’s way beneath their elitist dignity and straight-out refused to offer any inspirational help, so I had to lay with Big Mnemosyne and beget a tenth muse whom I’ve named Crapytus. She’s kinda dumb and vacuous, but hey – when not in Rome, y’know?
Except when I mentioned the whole blog thing at last night’s orgy, Hades broke loose. And everyone else too. Hermes got all huffy about the idea of the internet being faster at delivering messages than he was, and then got really pissed-off when Athena pointed out that his vaunted trading prowess didn’t seem to be doing much good for the Greek Economy at the moment either. Aphrodite wanted us to start a porn site instead (and of course the Nymphs and the Sirens were all for that, along with that patchouli-soaked little pervert, Pan) and I’ve gotta admit they almost had me going for the idea, but Hera shot me one of her wifely/sisterly glares so I toed the line coz I’m in enough trouble with her over my last hundred-or-so infidelities. Ares wanted to use the blog to encourage Unitus Americae to invade Persia, but Hestia calmed him down by pointing out what a mess they’d made in Mesopotamia. Luckily Dyonisus opened a few dozen bottles of his best (Poseidon got totally soaked as usual), or we’d have all come to blows and lightning bolts.
Anyway, there’s the first post on ZeusJuice. Hope you like it and tell your friends about it, coz in these days of mediocre cover acts us original gods need all the followers we can get.
FigMince: ZeusJuice – love it. I guess Mnemosyne is the main squeeze — Ha!
“ZeusJuice”! Love it.
Neptune opens a fish market.
Well, that was lame. I’ll be back when I’ve rested up from staring at the alarm clock all night, waiting for it to ring.
Um… Did I get this wrong? Was I supposed to build off the ‘Zeus has a blog’ opener? Or maybe list stuff I’d like to see?
You are posting exactly what I hoped for–a riff on Zeus with a website. Lots of good stuff there, especially the ending.
Zeus: (2/10/20012) gods what a day I’ve had. Dog sitting for my brother, and that stupid thing keeps crapping in the middle of my wife’s temple. She’s stepped in it three times already and, of course, like everything else she just keeps griping at me about it and somehow that causes her to bring back up my little indiscretions with Hercules mother. How many centuries can a woman hold on to a grudge, geez? I said I was sorry!
(2/11/12) Ok, so the dog crap is really bad, but I couldn’t help but laugh till I shot a lightening bolt when Hermes ran through here and slipped in it. He slammed into the wall so hard that the whole house shook. Ares ran out of his room with sword in hand, ready for war. Too funny.
(2/12/2012): seriously, a three headed dog barking all night … I couldn’t sleep a wink. If Hades doesn’t come and get this thing today, I’m tossing it into the Styx. Still won’t go out side to do his business and I don’t know where to put the piles of it. It stinks so bad, it makes the Minotaur seem posh by comparison. Demeter thought it would be funny to use it to fertilize one of the great deserts of earth into a big garden, but I think that was Dionysus’s wine talking through her. Maybe I’ll just have a new statue made for Hera out of it … won’t shut her up, but at least I’ll have a giggle.
This is taxing my brain too much and I already “give my fair share.” I’m going to go watch ” Desperate Housewives” now. You go, guys! You’re terrific.
Good to hear from you again, Carl! Loved the use of all those mythical characters.
Zeus has a website. He has not sniffed it out yet, but I know he has one because I created one for him on Pinterest last night. I caught Zeus chomping down on a rawhide bone and noticed his black furrowed lips wrapped around the toy dripping with dog-drool. I had to take a picture. I needed another picture of my stunning chocolate Labrador Retriever to join the other 2332 pictures stored in my computer. This picture might become one of the 14 that are printed out and framed. They punctuate the livingroom, bedroom, kitchen and bathroom with cherished memories. A partial inventory: Zeus and his 8 siblings at 1 month old, spilling out of a laundry basket while his mother looks on, Zeus at 2 months old, Zeus at his first day of obedience training (which never worked), Zeus catching a Frisby at the beach (great action shot ), Zeus curled at the bottom of my bed teasing apart a lost sock. I don’t know why I love Zeus so much, maybe it is because animals never lie. They provide unconditional love, love that is so hard to find with people. I’m glad Zeus has a website. I’ll share his pictures and become his friend online too.
Nice curve ball, Rich. Zeus is a great name for a dog, and of course, he has to have a website!
Zeus has a Blog
An obscure philosopher once said that the whole notion of matter, force, and energy was misguided. He posited the idea of the world being made up of bits of information.
Thus deprived of his thunderbolt, Zeus decided he’d better get on the information bandwagon. He started a blog, and then had to fill it. And so he created the world, one bit of information at a time. Turns out he wasn’t just a god at all, but one more writer struggling to find exactly the right words to capture what he meant. Too bad he wasn’t much good at plot development.
Oh, he understood the need for conflict—that was the easy part. He had no trouble getting human beings into all sorts of trouble. Problem was he was lousy at resolution. Loose plot developments wandered all over the place. Whole civilizations were wiped out by petty wars or random natural disasters. Very unsatisfying.
He tried a few heroes to clean things up, but he couldn’t resist getting them into trouble too. Poor Hercules. Zeus tried writing himself into the plot, but that was a disaster. He came across as a pouting rich kid who didn’t like to hear the word, “No.” That was embarrassing, so he gave up on autobiography.
He tried writing stories about more evolved religions and found monotheism to be a fertile plot path. The good news was that all his characters wanted to talk about him. He got to be capital “H” Him. It was biography instead of memoir, and even though he was the writer, he could let his creativity expand with ideas about who He really was, how He was perceived, and how all the people wove Him into their lives.
But even that got old after a while. He kept looking for a way to get to the happy ending, but all the overlapping plots, religions, civilizations, and the massive expanding population was so disorganized. He couldn’t seem to make sense of it anymore. It wasn’t just a series of historical blog postings, it was turning into an encyclopedic task. He couldn’t keep up. Of course, the solution was ready at hand. He turned his blog into an open source wiki-blog and let all the human beings write their own stories. Free will made the most sense after all, especially since Zeus had started messing around with string theory and was mulling over multiple universes. It was time for a vacation to Pago Pago. Bon Voyage, Zeus.
Seems Zeus was more humanlike than he would have hoped. Did he take BWW? I’m glad you pointed me here from “What are you working on?” I honestly enjoy your writing and admire that brain of yours. You may have straight hair on your head, but the stuff inside your head is a bit twisted my dear. GO ZEUS.
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by Ann Linquist
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