I’m working on Assignment 7 in the Beginning Writers Workshop with a rambunctious group of December people right now. You remember that assignment, the one about writing strong sentences. (The leaves were red, the tornado was like a bull in a china shop, etc.) Every once in a while a student would surprise me and combine all four weak sentences into one strong paragraph. That was always great fun.
So here are four weak sentences. Some are too vague. Others are so overwritten, you will want to shove a finger down your throat. There are mucho blah clichés here and mixed metaphors to boot. Your challenge is to not only rewrite these awful sentences, but come up with a way to weave them together into a fine story. Here you go:
–It was an old coin.
–Veronica threw back her flowing blond curls, and her emerald green eyes snapped with furious, violent anger as she shoved poor desperate Rudolpho in his purple vest away with an imperious finger.
–The thunder rolled and pounded as if little men were bowling up in the sky, and the downpour of rain came down in sheets, flooding the streets like a burst pipe in an unattended basement.
— In the dying light the endless curving dark bark path led through thick thickets of scary trees that seemed to reach out to tickle any who passed their way.