Making a Sentence More Interesting

You may remember being asked to rewrite this sentence to make it more vivid and interesting:  The leaf was red.

Now your challenge is to rewrite another sentence.  Since there are many of us, and the postings add up, your challenge is to rewrite the sentence that was posted last.  The rules are these:

~You can add whatever you want, but it has to be contained in this one sentence.

~You can replace a word with another word or phrase, but you cannot remove without replacing.   

I’m curious how far we can go and keep this sentence continually improving.  Lots of good writers here!  Take the challenge. 

Aunt Alice ran.

21 responses to “Making a Sentence More Interesting

  1. The leaf was dripping red.

  2. [Ok Gully, I know it’s early and before coffee, so I’ve got your back :>)]

    Aunt Alice ran because the table leaf was dripping red.

  3. Aunt Alice ran because the body collapsed on the table leaf was dripping red.

  4. Terrified, Aunt Alice ran from the house when she saw the body of her only son collapsed on the broken table leaf and dripping blood red as the Mr. Lincoln roses lining the garden walk.

  5. (Gasp!) Stopping for a breath. Ann, are we supposed to continue building on this sentence? I mean, continue adding words so it’s still one sentence. ?

  6. Yes, for a while, let’s keep working on this sentence. You needn’t add more words if you don’t want to. Feel free to replace some of the words if you believe you can do better.

    When it gets really good, I am going to add a second sentence. Thanks for asking!

  7. Furious, Alfred ran into the bar where he saw the partially clad body of his inebriated wife dancing on the round table top, draped only in scarves the color of the Mr. Lincoln roses that lined their garden walk.

  8. Furiously flabbergasted, Alfred Whittleby ran into the bar of the Last Chance Flophouse & Grill, where he saw the partially clad body of his inebriated wife Dolores dancing on the round table top, draped only in the virtually transparent hand-painted scarves he’d bought for her during that idyllic weekend in Paris so many lifetimes ago, outrageously kicking her legs high, although of course only one at a time, and singing an out-of-tune and cruelly-mocking rendition of ‘Stand By Your Man’, while at her feet his editor, the syntax-challenged Ambrose Chalkley, tried to maintain some order in the loose pages of the manuscript Alfred had only that very afternoon hopefully invited him up to their hotel room to consider, little realizing that the man would share Dolores’ near-legendary penchant for – nay, unquenchable need of – rotgut whiskey and adjourn here, downstairs with her during Happy Hour, where now, long after Happy Hour had ceased bringing affordable joy to anyone, he was drunkenly editing Alfred’s precious novel, his ostentatious Gucci fountain pen gushing ink the color of the Mr. Lincoln roses that lined the garden walk back home in New England where Alfred had spent so many happy hours reading and studying on his late and rustic grandfather’s home-made rustic outdoor bench, teaching himself how to write sentences almost as interminably long as those of his literary hero Marcel Proust – but tragically, nowhere near as interesting.

  9. After smashing her finger in the table leaf, Aunt Alice ran screaming with it dripping Lincoln rose red, down the garden path to rescue.

  10. It’s official. We are now in Bulwer-Lytton territory.

  11. Hoy Cow! Guess I didn’t have to worry about my changes. This is absolutely awesome FigMince!

  12. Are you really gonna add another sentence to that, Ann??!! Did I miss something? Were we asked to write the longest sentence we could come up with?

    Call me Scrooge if you will. I don’t love shopping unless it’s for myself, but I’d rather Christmas shop than go to work on such an extravagance of words.

  13. Hey, I was only playing, and in doing so I probably messed up Ann’s exercise. Just ignore me like everyone else does and go back to the original idea, please. Apologies for my immaturity.

  14. Hey, I thought it was great, FigMince! Best sentence ever. Hilarious, too. No need for apologies to me. In fact, I think I learned a lot from your sentence, and kudos to you for the tutorial.

  15. FigMince:
    Apologies? Don’t be silly. I hope you never grow up if you keep writing like this. I’m the one who’s sorry. Sorry I didn’t write it. Keep up the good work.

  16. Thanks, but anyway, back to night writer’s suggestion:

    After smashing her finger in the table leaf, Aunt Alice ran screaming with it dripping red, down the garden path to rescue the bandages from her husband who’d borrowed them to tie up the goat.

  17. He never would give milk unless tied up, that masochistic goat.

  18. Male goats can give milk?

    Aunt Alice ran screaming from the room as the table leaf writed in agony, dripping red sap.

  19. That sentence above should read: “as the table leaf writhed in agony”

    (shows you that Ann is right about checking/editing electronic communication)

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