Make my day!

Surely you can do better than these weak sentences.  Make my day!

  1.  The cashier was annoyed when people came in at closing time.
  2. Sugar is sweet.
  3. The stadium was filled to capacity for the big game, and Bertha felt bad.
  4. The remote control lay on the front walk.

29 responses to “Make my day!

  1. Ahhhh…. Son of the Frightful Four.

  2. 1. The cashier scowled as she slammed the cash register drawer shut and then threw the last customer’s change on the countertop.

    2. Sugar makes my taste buds sing.

    3. Bertha’s heart sank when the man in the stadium ticket booth rudely pulled the window shut and abruptly hung the ALL SEATS SOLD OUT sign right in her face.

    4. Don’t ask me why or how, but the remote control wandered out the front door and is presently napping on the front walk.

  3. Bertha the cashier, deftly stashing the weekend’s takings within hiden pockets sewn into her underwear while double-checking the departure time on her two one-way tickets to Rio, was initially only mildly annoyed when three guys came in at closing time and ordered pizzas, but she was totally pissed-off when they then pulled guns and told her to empty the register and then strip so she wouldn’t be able to follow them when they left.

    Sugar is sweet, and as Bertha’s undressed body amply demonstrated to Frankie and his two accomplices, excess consumption of it can be grossly fattening.

    The stadium was filled to capacity for the big game, and Bertha was feeling bad about her boyfriend Roy the over-the-hill quarterback, forced by the sudden cancellation of their joint travel plans to throw one last game against long-odds opponents but able to be out there purposely fumbling passes yet still copping extreme physical punishment, only because of a pain-killing injection that would be effective for just a few minutes longer – while Bertha, her throat constricted and mute from the bronchitis brought on by a night spent locked naked in the Pizza Hut coolroom, knew the game couldn’t end till she sang.

    The remote control lay on the front walk, its ‘close’ button depressed under the wheel of the idling rental car as Roy sat crippled and helpless in the passenger seat, watching the garage door thumping down again and again into Bertha’s prostrate form, and wishing that when she’d insisted on popping back into the house for one last hit of Krispy Kremes before driving him to his daily physiotherapy session, he’d remembered through his prescription drug haze to remind her shift the damn car into ‘park’.

  4. Damn. How come literals remain ‘hiden’ until immediately after one hits the ‘submit’ button?

  5. It’s called “post haste” around here, Fignatz. Thanks for joining in and giving us a laugh to two.

    Just one question: what are “literals?” Is that some Down Under thing?

    • Maybe, Gully. I know it as a printer’s term for typesetting errors. Incidentally, there’s another cute term here in Australia called ‘Mruphy’s Law’, which states that if you can make a mistake while criticizing someone else’s writing, you will.

  6. darksculptures

    1. The cashier was annoyed when people came in at closing time.

    Kristine found it difficult to conceal the smirk that grew larger with every step toward the barber’s chair, wondering if this well groomed man in his Armani slacks and silk shirt understood what one of Michele’s infamous five minute haircuts looked like, and deciding in the interest of fairness that she would keep that information to herself.

    2. Sugar is sweet.

    Whereas once my desire pulsed from the euphoria of your luscious crystalline, it now withers into tranquility from the satisfaction of your sweet confection.

    3. The stadium was filled to capacity for the big game, and Bertha felt bad.

    Remorse overwhelmed Bertha as she gazed upon stadium full of unknowing patrons who had not yet been informed that she had paralyzed Manny Rameriz while administering his steroid injection.

    4. The remote control lay on the front walk.

    Johnny’s remote lay haplessly tossed on the front walk, his shame paralyzing him as he watched Rex chase the radio controlled Prowler into the road, and into the path of the garbage truck.

  7. I’ll never get home in time to see the kick-off, thought the cashier, and his annoyed expression was clearly visible as Charlie placed the six pack of Bud Light, Lay’s potato chips, Cheez Its, and salted-in-the-shell peanuts on the cash register belt, and deepened even more when he heard the man refuse his wife’s request for a Snickers bar.

    Charlie rushed to the living room TV set while Bertha ate the last of the chocolate-covered donuts, tapioca pudding, and a spoonful of brown sugar, hoping to find solace in the sugar, the only sweetness in her drab and dreary life.

    With the play-off game a stadium sell-out and the NFL lifting the television black-out on Pittsburgh, Charlie settled into his Lazy Boy recliner with his snacks and beer, and reached for the remote control, while in the bedroom, his wife Bertha dejectedly packed a single suitcase.

    Charlie’s frustrated roars while he dismantled the living furniture in a frenzy sounded throughout the neighborhood, as Bertha slipped out the side door, carefully set the remote control on the sidewalk next to the tiger lilies, and walked away to a new life, one without Charlie.

  8. I was the first one here but I think I’ll take a seat in the back.

    GREAT JOB, FIGNATZ, DARKSCUPTURES AND GULLY. WHAT FINE IMAGINATIONS.

  9. Thanks, Shaddy, but I think your sentences rate an “A.” I especially like you last one because it shows that Shaddy sense of humor that tickles me.

  10. 1. The cashier was annoyed when people came in at closing time.

    The cashier’s blood pressure rose when she hear d the tinkle of the door’s bell, two minutes before closing, until she saw her sweet mother’s face.

    2. Sugar is sweet.

    Bouncing off the wall and running into lamp, Johnny decided that even though sugar is sweet, he shouldn’t eat a dozen cubes in his cereal.

    3.The stadium was filled to capacity for the big game, and Bertha felt bad.

    With people standing in the isles with not an empty seat, Bertha was embarrassed that her big butt took up two seats.
    (Aw, you know you wanted to say something about Bertha’s Big Butt, you know you did.)

    4.The remote control lay on the front walk.

    She was afraid she’d wake him if she picked the remote off of the front of Walk’s belly.

    • You always have a clever twist to your words. :):):):) One smile for each sentence, Walk.

      • Barbara Burris

        Great job, everyone! (You’re too hard on yourself, Shaddy. I thought your sentences were lovely.) I’ve been trying to catch up on everything that has been happening since I left.
        When I saw the last sentence Ann put out there, I figured if Walk didn’t grab it, either Gully or Shaddy would find some way to link it to him.

    • I am so impressed by the diversity of ideas that reside within the confines of these pages. Very well done. I continue to chuckle at the thought of Bertha’s big butt.

  11. Enjoying reading everyone’s fearsome four, makes me want to take BWW again.

  12. Hey Barbara. Thanks for checking in on us. Someone needs to watch over us during these hot, sticky summer days. Folks tend to get cranky under these circumstances, ya know.

    • Barbara Burris

      It sure hasn’t been hot or sticky here very much this summer. It’s cool and damp with giant mosquitoes that swoop down upon you and suck your delicious blood warm, right from the vein.

      As for the fearsome four, the first one brought back memories for me. I used to work in my mom’s deli when I was a kid. Cleaning the meat slicer was something that took time and required concentration lest one lose a digit or two. Invariably, some jerk would walk in at five minutes to ten (closing) and ask for a pound of sticky, gooey, baked ham. So, yes, I can imagine glaring at him. I’m sure I did that and more.

      Sugar may be sweet, but like anything else in overdose, can be deadly.

      I really can’t improve on Walk’s Big Butt Bertha stuff. You have to feel badly for ANYone named Bertha. They must live a life of torture.

      The remote control lay on the front walk where the clever dog left it. He knew no one would think to look there for that stupid little toy that took up so much of their time. Sitting erect in front of his master, he presented him with slightly soggy tennis ball, lightly clenched between smiling teeth. His thumping tail suggested some time in the back yard might be fun for a change.

  13. Beautiful, Barbara. I love this post. It’s so cute and sincere, straight from your heart.

    Thank you for the Sunday morning treat. I feel like I just sat down with you and chatted over a cup of coffee, although in reality I’m not nearly presentable enough to leave the house.

    If you pop over to my blog by clicking on my name, you’ll find what I hope is a reciprocal treat in my post titled: Life Without C.S.

    Have a sunny Sunday, regardless of the sun’s disposition.

    • Barbara Burris

      Shaddy,

      I tried AGAiN to post on your blog, but this time it not only wouldn’t take it, it kicked me all the way out!!! I must be doing something wrong, but I confess, I haven’t a clue.

      Loved your story, but like Gully, I want to see the photo of the eye. Please, please pretty please with sugar on it???

      • I have the same problem, Barbara, I think Shaddy is blocking us. :>)

      • That’s a bummer. Here I’m thinking folks just don’t want to take the time to comment which is fine but I do love comments.

        Do you comment as: Anonymous and then Post Comment?

        I’m sorry you’re being blocked. And even kicked out. Good grief. I would never do that, even on a bad day!

        Well, I certainly appreciate the fact that you tried. Thanks a bunch.

  14. What creative, entertaining sentences! I got a particular chuckle out the reference to current events (Manny Ramirez) in darksculptures’ stadium redo!

    I kind of strayed on the assignment and wrote little scenarios instead of single sentences. That’s what I get for vowing not to look at anyone else’s work until I have written my own…

    **************

    1. The cashier was annoyed when people came in at closing time.

    The red digital numbers on the clock next to the cash register transfixed Mary Ann’s eyes. …5:45, 46, 47, 48… The Cola Haan Shoe Boutique payment specialist stood straight and tall, her every muscle taut with eager anticipation of her first date with Steve. She was looking forward to leaving work right on time at 6:00, so she could get ready in a leisurely fashion. …5:50, 51, 52, 53… A loud voice snatched her eyes from the clock and forced them to the front of the boutique. Blustering across the threshold was Mrs. Vandercamp, the store’s most loyal, shoe-loving, difficult, and indecisive customer. …5:56, 57, 58, 59… Mary Ann’s heart sank; her shoulders slumped; and her now lifeless muscles succumbed to gravity. …6:02, 03, 04, 05…

    2. Sugar is sweet.

    Harold knows the scientific properties of monosaccharides and oligosaccharides, and he can easily sketch the different molecular structures of sucrose, fructose, and dextrose. But what sugar really is to this life-long sweet tooth is magical crystals of pleasure and joy that dance across his taste buds.

    3. The stadium was filled to capacity for the big game, and Bertha felt bad.

    Why had she let her brother talk her into going to the World Football Challenge? On the way over, the radio announcer said 95,000 people were expected to attend the soccer competition, but Bertha believed that figure was conservative. Everywhere she turned, she saw nothing but human body parts: a shoulder, an elbow, or the back of a head. She had no room to move and could hardly breathe for the nauseating mélange of sweat, beer, and hot dogs. The clamorous event drove her senses straight out of her head. If one more person bumped into her, she felt she could no longer be responsible for her actions.

    4. The remote control lay on the front walk.

    This universal remote was no ordinary remote, for it ran all the household media, appliances, and security devices. Behind each and every button was a meticulously programmed function. Mark spent hours setting up the remote and then days training Claire how to use it. Once they got the hang of doing everything from turning on the dishwasher to selecting a movie to securing the house at night with the remote, they could no longer imagine life without it. Now, all the household media, appliances, and security devices were safely packed in cartons. Those cartons were riding in a North American Van Lines truck that was swiftly approaching Portland, Oregon. The remote, however, continued to lie on the front walk, right next to the edge of the lawn and beside the sprinkler head–in St. Petersburg, Florida.

    • I truly enjoyed every one of your take offs.

      Very well done, indeed. You took off with great speed from the shoe boutique and cruised excellently all the way to St. Petersburg, FL.

    • Barbara Burris

      Fun read, Lassie. I especially liked the remote control story. Very nicely rendered with the minimum of words.

      Hats off to you!

    • All of your renditions are incredible. I especially feel for poor Bertha and her stifling trip to the stadium. I had to take a deep breath and look away or I was at risk of losing control, which would inevitably result in submitting to my own agoraphobia.

  15. Barbara Burris

    Note to Ann—

    Thanks for mentioning Beekeeper’s Apprentice. I’ve always liked Sherlock Holmes stories so I picked up a copy. I enjoyed it immensely and it is now passing happily through my entire family.

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